♥ Seventeen Forever

i love you. and i always will. im sorry i dont always listen to you, and when i dont you get mad. i understand. i have made mistakes and right now, i just wish i could tell you how very afraid i am. i am afraid to not make it in to a uni with a good atar, im afraid of your disappointment after all these years taking me under your wing. i wish you could know this, so i could cuddle against you and not be afraid anymore. when i forget to be strong and cry, i dont want you to know, because i dont want to be another factor in your life to worry you or to upset you. i want you to see me being strong, to be capable of unpredictable changes in life. sometimes when i have troubles with bullies i wont let you know, its not about trust. i trust you and i love you, i forever will. i dont want you to worry and stress over things i think i can handle, so you couldnt be there for me when i needed the most guidance and help. i plowed through. i wish you could see the strength in me two years ago. when you know i have a goal, thank you for believing in me and egging me on, but i wish you dont go and shut me down right after saying you believe in me by comparing me to others. i wish you could tell me about your problems when you have them, and not think ill stress. im young i can take it. i might not be able to do anything about it, but i want you to know i care. i know the things you say to me are the best for me, but sometimes i dont think you understand how much i get hurt or how much i get discouraged when it feels like youre trying to control my future and live the way you want me to. i know you have faith in me, but i just wish you could show it more often. thank you for always trying to get everything the best for me, so im not left out. now your aging with multiple illnesses and it saddens me and my heart cracks deeper with every wrinkle that spreads across your cheeks and eyes when you smile. i will cuddle you more, and as an asian i know you dont believe in hugging and physical contact for comfort so you wont cuddle back, but the times you do, i know i am protected, so secure so home. i love you.

I love you, but i wish you could stay home more often and not work your life away to try and support the family with the minimal wage offered. Thank you for trying to buy me things i like and things i want. but, i miss those times before highschool when we, as a four piece family, would go out on fishing trips or random parks to spend the day to bond. you too, are getting older and it hurts me that youre still trying to work so hard for us. i know you, like mom would give anything for me and i promise you i will too. but i am also afraid, afraid for the possibility of failure approaching me this october. i dont want to fail you or mom. i want you to see what you and mom have given me is not to waste. Thank you for your support and your duties to when i was prematurely born, thank you for supporting mom, as we both could have died from her unexpected early labour. Thank you also, for believing in me and the things you tell me to do is for the better of me. being the father of the family, i understand you have to erect a strong persona as a model for the family, even i sometimes depend on you to be strong. but, please, please show us when you are in trouble or when something is troubling you. me, being the youngest, you probably think i wont understand, i will. i think im old enough. i might not be able to fix it or do anything, but ill show you i care. it breaks my heart when i see you trying to fight problems through your eyes, even though youre smiling. when you come in to check on me at night when you come home late or when you tuck me in, i feel like im five again. even though you know every action i will take after another i still want you and mom to know more about me, i wish you could be a little less superstitious. ill be praying for both you and mom. Thank you, i love you.